7 Quick Takes

Joining Hallie, who is filling in for Jen this week and the mighty Quick Takes Army for the first time in ages (in blog time approximately 72 years).  Jen is currently experiencing some pregnancy complications and could use your prayers.

In honor of the New Year and my anti-resolution stand, I am going to list the things I refuse to resolve myself to change but really wish would resolve themselves:

1. Alayna is still nursing at 15 months. While I love and adore our "special" time together and feel glorified in the fact that I made it this long when Ethan's nursing days lasted about 12 minutes in comparison. There are a few minor issues that don't exactly make me sing for joy when she latches on nowadays: Her teeth are like razors. She likes to "hold on"  to her food source and usually scratches the heck out of me. I am tired of baring my chest at every. single. inopportune. moment! She has mastered the art of transitioning from the upright holding position to  sideways and ready for action position with a stealth your friendly neighborhood ninja would covet. SOOO...I really wish she would just decide this whole nursing gig isn't for her anymore and throw in the towel so I can lower the white flag!

2. I would really like for 40 pounds to just decide it hates my ever loving guts and fall off. Immediately and with no effort on my behalf and absolutely no change to my diet at all!

3. Which brings me to this next one. My diet: I would love to start craving things like whole grains and granola instead of my sweet kiddy cereal and potato chips, Greek yogurt instead of the stuff that is whipped and comes in exotic flavors like chocolate, and fresh veggies and salads instead of all things green and raw covered in ranch dressing or cheese sauce. And if I could just forego the constant desire for anything chocolate and coffee doused in creamer and sugar, I think I would have a fighting chance.

4. I would like to enjoy exercise. Really! My friends "love" to exercise. They say it makes them feel great and builds their self esteem. They are beautiful and blonde and tiny. What the heck do they need to build self esteem for? Really. They should have it dripping off them in buckets. And besides, I honestly believe anyone who says they enjoy exercise is a filthy, stinking, liar! I have never even so much as felt a ping of happiness while working out. I wish scientists would devote more money to finding an exercise routine that can be done while you sleep. That would be great! Perfect, even!

5. I would like to be on time for one thing in this century. I am late to everything! It's so bad my daughter lies to me about what time she has to be at school functions so I can arrive somewhat on time. My daycare provider says to me once a week, "You are late." It usually means I am more than my normal 15 minutes late. I wasn't always like this. I really don't know at what point I became this person. I blame it on the fact that the kids require 2 to 3 different stops every single morning. The older two are slow and sluggish and don't want to get to their designated drop offs TOO early so they make me late instead. Then the littles wake up way cranky and spend half an hour screaming and crying about everything. And we live eleventybillion miles out in the country. I don't know what we will do next year when Ethan is in school. I think we will have to sell the house and live next door to the school. That, or begin our wake up routine at 5 am. Which should paint a pretty picture of me for the co-workers. Especially since I am down to about 5 hours of sleep a night as it is. Can't wait for those posts, can you? Bwahahahaha (while rubbing my hands menacingly together).

6. I would really love to be able to stay on top of my constantly destroyed house. I know other people work full time and still manage to keep their homes clean. I blame it once again on living out in hell's half acre but the truth is, would I really come home on my lunch hour and clean up? Probably not. I would sit down and eat my unhealthy lunch in front of some quality daytime TV. However, I would be home an extra hour a day if I didn't have to drive so far to and from work. I also blame the constant destruction on the two little tornadoes I live with and the teens who do nothing voluntarily and when they are asked to do something they do it halfway so they are never asked to do it again. 

7. Which brings me to big ol' numero seven! I really, really, want to delegate more! I want to be that mom who makes their child load the dishwasher thirty times if it takes that many for them to get it right. But all I can think about is the wasted water and energy milking money out of our wallets if we have to wash the dishes more than once. Same with the laundry. Well, by golly, that is why I have the laziest kids on the planet. So there it is, no matter your issues, they can always be traced back to your mother. When my kids are out on their own and they can't do anything for themselves and they blame me, they will be right. And heaven help the people who end up lolly coddling them for the rest of their lives. To them I will owe a huge debt of gratitude and empathy!

And if you couldn't understand before why my resolutions always fail, you do now. Equal parts of laziness and excuses. Those are my truths. I have resigned myself to this. You should too. Add it to the things you never cared to know about me.  I am sure your list is growing. Now, go see Hallie and learn all you never cared to know about her, as well! I am sure it will be much more interesting. Happy Friday, peeps!